Personal Trainer on a One Night Stand

Well look who made it up the stairs — Brad. 

Now, I’ve heard making love to me is a little “INTENSE,” so I’m gonna lay down a couple ground rules to make sure no one gets hurt. First off, this track suit will remain worn at ALL TIMES. I expect to sweat — profusely — so if you need to, grab a towel. Once we get started, I will be on top. You might think of that as a power play and rest assured it is a power play.

Hopefully you know my name, Nina B. — here’s a free key-fob — and over there in the corner is CHAZ. If you’re a beginner, you’re gonna want to keep an eye on Chaz because he’s gonna be doing modified versions of the positions, to ease you into it. You’re shaking your head “No.” that’s good — I like my men fearless. 

Chaz, give us 20 minutes and come back with a cold compress and a bag of Chia Seeds. I have a feeling Brad might need them when we’re done.

Okay, where was I? Yes. MAKING LOVE. If at anytime I say stop — YOU WILL STOP.  And when I say go you will repeat whatever it was you were doing, 3 reps of ten not breaking for water, not breaking to weep.

Looking me in the eye is optional.

You might be tempted to whisper sweet nothings, and I just want to make it clear that sweet nothings are NOT PART OF THE PROGRAM. Do you want to know what happens when you whisper sweet nothings Brad? I will smile, I will get a warmy feeling in my tummy, I will become very attached, and finally, I will fly into a berserker rage when you leave me for a soul cyclist. Never again. There is no getting hurt. Not part of the program. 

Which reminds me, I need to you to sign this waiver stating I am not responsible for any medical conditions that arise post coitus — don’t worry, I just completed a master cleanse, so all the machinery is in pristine condition and gluten free. Oh yeah, if I eat a banana during the deed don’t be weird — I have a 5k fun run tomorrow and I need the potassium.

I already did my Kegels in the cab ride over, so I’m good to go…

I like you Brad, you’re quiet.